I am a Ballsi member. Ballsi consists of myself, Imi Gal, Wasdkug, Heavy, Rin, Otis, and Mento. While others may see Ballsi as âjust an online friend groupâ, it is much more than that to us.
I am German, from the region of Rheinhessen. I also strongly identify with my fictional countries, particularly Nyria, as well as with Novorossia, although I am not Russian and have never been there. I also identify more with Ballsi as a group and entity (the Ballsi Republic) than I do with my country. But I am German, not Russian or Jewish or whatever else people have assumed before based on my conlangs and interests.
I am aromantic (aro). That means I do not experience romantic attraction to anyone. More specifically, I call myself radically aromantic (rad-aro), as I have an extreme aversion to romance and find it physically repulsive and consider it to be a disease. Other terms that apply to me are romance-repulsed and apothiromantic. The combined term for aromantic and asexual is aro-ace.
I am ĂŚgosexual. This is a form of asexuality that means I experience sexual attraction and have sexual thoughts, but do not have the desire to participate in any sexual actions with other people. In fact, I find the thought of doing such to be repulsive and uncomfortable. I am lesbian-aligned omnisexual, meaning I am attracted to all genders, particularly feminine ones. I am fraysexual (also a form of asexuality), meaning my attraction to somebody dies down after I get to know them better. I am also fictosexual (also a form of asexuality), meaning I am mostly attracted to fictional characters rather than people I know in real life.
I am a trans woman, more specifically, I am a trans woman who is not interested in a medical transition, as I would rather have no sexual organs. I use she/her and they/them, though I also donât mind xe/xem or it/its pronouns. My feeling towards gender is a bit fluid as well, some days I feel very strongly about being female, while other days I feel nothing towards gender and kind of forget or am just indifferent. That (trans female) is the main part of my gender. The second part is how I actually perceive and express/present my gender, which also involves the theme of âlightâ (SĹvi means light), my spirituality (Seism), Z, Ballsi and anti-CWS identity, âcutenessâ, and more. Therefore I also call myself xenogender, which means a gender that is not explained through traditional gender vocabulary. These are usually expressed through more specific terms or microlabels, but I donât use any. Another word that may fit this experience is egogender, which is a gender so specific to a person that they can only describe it as âmeâ-gender. So the simple explanation for my gender is: trans female + xenogender.
I am disabled/neurodivergent, in particular: autism, ADHD, dyspraxia, OCD, PTSD (with psychotic features), as well as social anxiety. I do not consider this a liability and am quite proud of it.
I have maladaptive daydreaming. That means I have a detailed internal world (paracosm) with characters in it (paras), and that daydreaming sometimes gets in the way of life (meaning it is maladaptive). I sometimes find it easier to express myself through these paras. I am not plural or claiming to be.
I am touch-averse, meaning I am very uncomfortable with physical touch. I am also on the asensual spectrum, which means I do not feel sensual attraction (the desire to touch people).
I experience ĂŚsthetic and platonic attraction, meaning I find people pretty and feel the desire to be friends with people. Anything I say (compliments, nicknames, etc.) is strictly platonic and ĂŚsthetic.
I am on the afamilial spectrum, meaning I do not love people immediately because they are family. This does not mean I donât love my family, it means that the fact they are family does not automatically make me love them. I still love many people who happen to also be related to me. Another word to refer to how I feel is demifamilial, as the demi- prefix means that I feel this form of attraction to people after getting to know them.
I am nomifluid, meaning I go by multiple names and prefer some over others at different times. I always display which name I currently go by in the pronouns section of my Discord profile. I use the names âGerankaâ and âSĹviko1206â as brand names or names people can use to refer to me always, regardless of which fluid name is currently in use.
I am a democratic socialist, more specifically, my ideology is the same as that of Nyria in Celsys, which I simply call the Nyrian Model or Ballsi Socialism.
I am Seist, which is the name I have given to my own personal religious views. I believe in God (Sei) and the Devil (ShayášÄn), Heaven and Hell, and demons (Agents of ShayášÄn, people who are sent by the Devil to harm others). Seism is heavily based on morality, with those who hurt others going to Hell, while people who live a good life and help others go to Heaven. Again, I am not Jewish or Muslim despite what people may assume based on language.